Cold Love-Cold Bath

The city was alive that night. He was sitting in his apartment and her in her's. They both wondered what the other was doing. Of course, her wonder was completely platonic at this point. She had been hurt so badly by all of this. She couldn't create concern for him. It was just that he was such a large part of her life for so long. She did miss him but It might be because I'm lonely she thought. She missed just having someone there. It was a little frightening. She felt on edge at night; locking all the door locks. Even installing a few for a little added securtiy.

She could remember the hot nights. Money was tight so they rarely ran the air conditioner. Nights are cool anyway. It was perfect. They would leave the window open. She could see the light from the surrounding building streaming in like a neon lazers from a science fiction movie. She could remember him rolling away from her, turning his back to her. She didn't realize it until the last few nights that it bothered her. It had for a long time. Maybe she just put it back because she loved him so much. She just couldn't understand why he couldn't be close with her. And its not just the rolling over she would rationalize in her mind. He wouldn't ever cuddle or anything. He was so cold and distant. Especially the last few months. It made her feel unwanted. It was the main reason that she decided to break up with him. She thought he didn't care for her as much as she cared for him.

Which wasn't true. He unpacked cardboard boxes filled with books and dishes. It was hard for him. Harder than he let her know. That wasn't how he was. He hurt privately. No one knew he was unhappy about it. It was just another woman to roll off his shoulder in front of everyone else; but she wasn't just anothe woman to him. She was special to him. He might have loved her. He very much liked her and he knew that.

He was wearing the red and white Cardinals baseball t-shirt that she bought him for his birthday. He loved it. Wore it all the time. It was comfortable. He opened each box and every cardboard flap wafted her smell. It made his eyes water. He could almost cry but he didn't. He had never felt this alone before. When his mom went to Rhode Island to get his dad when he ran off with some waitress that got around, he didn't feel this bad. This was emotional pain that transformed into physical pain. He went into the bathroom.