Pre-Separation Anxiety

She was a garage band bassist. She played all the time in her room when she wasn't with the band. Somtimes she would cry when she slept. He never found out why. They broke up last September. It was surprisingly chilly for september. It was his idea. He couldn't do it anymore. It seemed as though she was never really around, and when she was around, she was someone else entirely. She would laugh one minute and then cry the other. Her face would spew sweat almost constantly and he couldn't find what it was that was wrong with her. He tried to ask but it always seemed uncomfortable. Its not the right time, he thought. Plus the sex was great. She liked the top and he liked the bottom.
It seemed that that was what it had become. Just sex. Every now and then they would actually spend some time with each other that didn't involve fucking but it was very rare. He didn't love her and he knew that she didn't love him and that was okay. Until now. He wasn't okay with it anymore. It wasn't a relationship anymore. It hadn't been for a long time.
He got off of work and he decided that he was just gonna get it over with. He assumed that they were both expecting it to happen sooner or later. He knew he was alteast. He drove down to Capital Avenue. A friend of his lived down there. He went down there with big decisions and he had been with her for about three years now.
He climbed the three flights of stairs to get to his friend's door. He wasn't happy about the decision which surprised him. He thought it would be easy. They were both in completely different points in their life and it was probably doing the both of them a favor.
As he reached his friend's door now winded, he knocked lightly. His friend answered quickly. "I think I'm gonna break up with Kate tonight," He sounded serious. His friend knew he was serious about it. They had known each other for a long time.
"Why now?"
"I don't love here. To be honest, I'm not sure that I ever really did. We always had a physical thing going on. We just fucked and fucked and never really talked about anything. And that was when we first met. Now we're completely different. Not a damn thing in common. I'm not really even interested in the sex anymore. She let me fuck her ass and I just couldn't get anything out of it."
"Well it isn't just about the sex."
"Exactly. And thats all this has become."
"Then maybe you should just do it. I mean you'll be moving away in a few months to fuckin Seattle. Shes staying here to gain residency. You think you never see each other now, what until you're fucking all the way on the other side of the nation and you're both workin your balls off."
"I have to do this. Plus, I think shes into this waiter. She always wants to go this coffee place on certain days. I've suggested other places but shes persistent."
"Well if you're feeling this, then maybe she is to. I wouldn't doubt it."
"But fuck Jim, three fuckin years for nothing."
"It wasn't for nothing. You know they're not all gonna be that person. Don't be naive."
"I know, but I don't want to feel cheated at the end."
"What if she doesn't feel any of this?"
"What do you mean"
"I mean, what if she doesn't feel the same way. What if she really likes where you guys are and has every intention on continuing protocol when you leave?"
He never really thought of that. Jim always made him think more than he really wanted. I'm not gonna visit him anymore. He was frustrated with himself. He didn't know her at all anymore; but maybe that was her fault. He didn't mean for it to happen but then again, he doesn't know if she even realizes it.
He drives home with a calm. He didn't know what he was gonna say. He wasn't sure what was gonna happen but he knew that he would know something. He would know her more or he would know himself more or he might even know where everything is going. He pulled into their spot in the apartment lot. They were on the bottom level. He walked up the path to the door with apprehension.
He pulled out his keys thumbing through them to find the correct one. He dropped the rest when he found the one he wants. He slipped it into the hole. It made a metallic click when he turned the latch. Kate always locked the door when she was home without him.
She was on the couch watching T.V. She was as awake as ever. She smiled at him with eyes he hadn't seen in a while. He didn't know.